Traces of Madness

I want to tell my story so I can understand what’s happening to me.

Fernando Balius was a perfectly ordinary, if misunderstood, young adult—until he started hearing voices.

In Traces of Madness, “Nando” describes what it feels like, both mentally and physically, to lose your grip on reality. His life spins out of control as his auditory hallucinations, depicted in the narrative as a monster, work to destroy his self-esteem and, worse, urge him to hurt himself. From incorrect diagnoses to medications that do more harm than good, Nando confronts challenges in his medical journey that prompt him to question whether stifling his voices is truly the right path for him. Throughout his experiences, he finds that his connections with others lend him the strength to survive.

Mario Pellejer’s moving illustrations bring Nando’s remarkable story to life. This raw and uniquely hopeful graphic memoir shows the power of community and understanding and encourages us all to push back in solidarity against the pervasive stigma surrounding mental illness.

“An emotionally and intellectually gripping account of one voice-hearer’s painful but life-affirming journey through a discouraging, ineffective mental health system—and the conflicted reactions of loved ones—toward growing understanding and acceptance. The heartbreaking but inspiring honesty and the simple but vivid graphics are, in combination, truly magnificent.”—John Read, coeditor of Models of Madness: Psychological, Social and Biological Approaches to Psychosis

“The captivating text and images contained within this important book convey an often maligned and misunderstood human experience with profound insight and touching honesty. I loved it.”—Jacqui Dillon, coeditor of Living with Voices

Fernando Balius is a philosopher, an ex–office employee, and a contingent worker. He has taken part in various social movements over the last two decades, about the same amount of time that he has been considering the relationship between madness and society. His favorite place to think is on a bike and he has a fondness for the suburbs.

From a young age, Murcia native Mario Pellejer surrounded himself with pencils and paintbrushes, eventually going on to study fine arts in Granada. He likes trees and yoga, and he is a postal worker. In 2017 he became a father of a daughter and hasn’t stopped learning since. After some necessary experimentation, he realized that he wanted to tell stories with drawings, and so drawing became a window through which he could view the world and a means to share valuable experiences.